dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think your dad took our porno
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
