At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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