whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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