I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
