Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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