she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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