I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
