he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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