Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
