Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
