I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
