So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
