spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you inspire me to be a worse person
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
