i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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