He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
