I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
