wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
