singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
