This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just blew my weed a kiss
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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