I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
