you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
