I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
