What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
