I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
