in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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