My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
soo... how was my night?
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