Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
