Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
