What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
