Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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