don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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