I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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