Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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