Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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