He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
