Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
