i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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