when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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