my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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