Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
