never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
