Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
