I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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