it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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