Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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