It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The uberlube is also flammable
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
