so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
