my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
