one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
