I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
