Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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