walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
