I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
