Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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