I'm laying in your front yard are you home
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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