so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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