the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
