I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
