Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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