You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
