Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
