The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
