Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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